between breaths

Monday night we tangoed in Mitzrayim. Quite literally. The Argentine tango at Penn Museum's Lower Egypt exhibit all evening.

Saturday night after being fed royally by the TSA, all of whose activities revolve around food and feasting, I introduced some of them to Lindy at PILE. Cultural immersion they said.

Sunday while I moped around the church-coffee table at a place I had not visited before because I forgot to coordinate a ride to G&P, I hear, ESTHER?! I glance up and there is the beaming face of a 2nd year in my very same program. She said, Oh my gosh, I'd been praying a long time to make some Christian friends at Penn!

This time of year, every group and initiative says, join us, join us! Clamoring for my attention, affection. Keep me true Abba.

This time of year... my edges get fuzzy. The aki air is tumbling.

Mom went off to TW again.

Guh got a gougou and stars recrossed.

And I remember so hard how Prometheus brought the gift of fire... to the prairie. And I dwell still in this lack and abundance and cycles of seasons. But this one's different.

I met a Peruvian mummy. Being interred in the fetal position - that makes sense to me.

I got to handle 200 years of woven textiles from the Americas. Breathtaking. The Collections ask to be studied. Museums were projects of colonialism.

There is a thorn in my ass sparing me from any delusions that I am good at loving neighbors or serving refugees. When he swung his cane at me and threatened to beat me last week, alarm bells went off, shot me to that speedy space. I called the police. I don't think it was the best thing to do. He and I are made of the same scared, sacred starstuff.

I went straight to work and tanked a training session I was giving. Bad. Not clear of this cloud yet.

von Balthasar and Weil and Harjo and Ignatian exercises keep my heart chambers spacious.

interrogating my privilege and platform constantly these days as friends are affected by DACA, as I enroll students at NSC. Nationalities. Birth lottery. Being a POC in this day and time. Can we bundle and align with indigenous peoples? Should we? Dare we?

The Chao family came down. Revolutionary War museum and Washington's tent. SEPTA troubles and Wissahickon. Sarah haircut experiment.

Chinese students all around. That REC meeting, the KA girl who thinks she's white spilling over, and me wanting to evaporate. AAPI. Burdens/opportunities of representation. Never been in academic spaces in which AAPI's weren't at least more represented than Chinese internationals. (Until now.)

Can I really do this school thing?

Can I learn more languages? Achieve sociocultural fluency in Mandarin instead of this like 9-year-old stammer.

October in Chicago...? Sigh.

Ling and Em and Cliff are home.

Losing my kirigami scissors (where are they?!) is driving me nuts. Brush & ink centering.