Monday, August 30, 2010

Turn unto your rest.

Slavery is when I spend every minute of my life attempting to justify myself in the way that this hymn explains Christ has already done.

From whence this fear and unbelief?
Has not the Father put to grief
His spotless Son for me?
And will the righteous Judge of men
Condemn me for that debt sin
Which, Lord, was charged on thee?

Complete atonement You have made,
And to the utmost farthing paid
Whatever Your people owed;
How then can wrath on me take place
If sheltered in Your righteousness,
And sprinkled with Your blood?

If You have my discharge procured,
And freely in my room endured
The whole of wrath divine,
Payment God cannot twice demand--
First at my bleeding Surety's hand,
And then again at mine.

Turn then, my soul, unto your rest!
The merits of your great High Priest
Have bought your liberty;
Trust in his efficacious blood,
Nor fear your banishment from God,
Since Jesus died for thee.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Inception makes me wanna SCUBA.

After weeks of being a cultural outcast, I finally watched Inception last night with Cat and Eugene.

Overall I feel slighted for my liking of the movie because I feel like the things I most appreciate are not the things being hyped. And most conversations have obsessively centered on determining the right interpretation of the plot, even though it seems to me that Nolan's commentary unambiguously transcends the alternate understandings...

On things like dream-sharing, lucid dreaming, reality, the sub/conscious, I don't find Nolan (even for his own work) or his latest movie all that original. Underneath that un-novel buzz is the real brilliance, in my opinion, and the director does a dearly effective job commenting on typically touchy subjects like grief, guilt, duty, exclusive truth. More on these in some later posts :)

My favorite parts:
[WARNING: May contain spoilers]

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Three years ago today.

Lord, You never let go of me.
E: theres no bridge michael! no freaking bridge. isaiah 43.
mahkoZ (2:57:28 PM): what are you defining as "bridge"
E: theres no way to the other side in sight
E: theres nothing i can do or build
E: no. effing. bridge.
mahkoZ (2:59:18 PM): yeah..
mahkoZ (2:59:49 PM): you'll see it though, when you get to the other side
E: ???! or
E: IF i get to the other side
mahkoZ (3:00:18 PM): you're gonna get there esther
E: with my faith intact??
mahkoZ (3:00:43 PM): that i do not know
mahkoZ (3:00:54 PM): but based on your history, and the myriad of things you've endured
mahkoZ (3:01:08 PM): i would definitely put all my chips on you making it through
mahkoZ (3:01:13 PM): with your faith solidified
E: my faith is wimpy and i am so afraid
mahkoZ (3:01:45 PM): i think you know God better than a lot of people do..
E: i think i believe God less than a lot of people do..!
mahkoZ (3:08:28 PM): well.. at any rate, God knows esther infinitely well
mahkoZ (3:08:50 PM): God will deliver you
mahkoZ (3:10:42 PM): listen, king jehoshaphat and all who live in judah and jerusalem! this is what the lord says to you: 'do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. for the battle is not yours, but GOD's..'
E: but thats why im afraid
mahkoZ (3:21:22 PM): yeah.. i understand
mahkoZ (3:21:29 PM): well.. i shall pray for you esther. but i need to let you know that you encourage me
mahkoZ (3:22:51 PM): i see in your life, a story of struggle, and fear, and redemption, and faith, and child-like love
mahkoZ (3:24:05 PM): and it makes my heart want to praise God more fully and more realistically

God, let it be true of me, keep writing me into Your story!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone...

My lease ends/begins today.

... and this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away.
dearie DPVivian,
thank you for filling my life with beauty
you were the first one i met
in the city where beauty himself is changing me
where would i be without you
most certainly not alive in new york
how do i live (in an apartment) without you
guess i'll be finding out soon
one thing i know to stay true as ever
i'll see you at home
love you near and far, DPE.

God is in the business of finishing what He starts.

This truth is full of hope and rebuke for a quitter like me.
   full of hope whenever I am feeling harassed by sin and self...
   full of rebuke whenever I feel so harassed as to want to quit.
It corrects my vision and tells me to
   glance at my own sin and weakness, but to
   gaze upon my Savior and trust his finished/finishing work.

Lately I have been revisiting the many incomplete saved drafts sitting in my blog and even cleaning up and completing some of them. Many reflections sit unfinished because they are too ramblejumbled and personally received to be publicized. But many more posts, I've just never revisited, either out of laziness... Or else the process from start to not-finish looks something like... Sit down, click "New Post", brain dump, reflect, dislike what I see, despair, abandon. As such, so many thoughts and dreams and musings and opinions and reactions I have left uncaptivated by Christ.

As part of all this I've also moved my

On the one hand, it has been wonderful to see the story arcs in what God has been teaching/doing in my life. Even recalling how full of doubt/anger/confusion I was at the time of each of those events taken in isolation, I am newly assured that He was continuously at work all along. Assured is a funny-looking word.

On the other hand I'm seeing my flakery and how very much my comings and goings lacks follow-through, especially in reflecting, processing thoughts and carrying tasks through to obedience. If you are someone I've injured by my indiscipline, I need your accountability especially!

Pray for me in all areas from something as seemingly inconsequential as finishing a thought or a writing, or as immediately relevant as persevering to finish my last 2 weeks of Intensive Attic Greek study this summer, as vital and life-long as being conformed to the likeness of Christ... Who finishes what He begins. :)

from Seda.