Monday, January 18, 2016

Point of Departure

Last night, winter's first snow.

I love when the weather outside mirrors the weather inside. It is like the aeonian embraces the ephemeral. (Or, is it like my moods control the weather? Muahahah.)

It is to me like an ethereal inbreaking of the heavens, divine intrusion, divine concern, being looked upon.

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?
We sat in Psalm 8 on Saturday at CCM Alum Retreat

External and internal weather won't always match up. Sometimes, the sunshine says, "Lift up your gaze, get your head out of your ass, get up out of your gloom." Sometimes, high winds and rains say, "Slow down, city girl. Still your heart. Seek shelter. Rest."

But sometimes they do align. On New Year's Eve, I sat in the drivers seat of a parked black car. Quiet tears matched the warm Virginia winter rains rolling down the windshield. An immortal boy sat next by me. The tears of my tossings, the ones hidden from him (trust not in princes) and kept for the bottle and book of the heartkeeper, all rained down now. And the sky was saying, I'm with ya girl, I see you.

held you for a little while
my, oh my, oh my

"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world..."

Last night, winter's first snow. A blanket over the last several sad and stretching weeks, of nights getting longer and air getting colder, thick with pressure and thin with tension. Pressure and retraction. Not extraction.

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--
"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."
"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.
"Yes, that is so," said the fox.
"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields."

It was time to go, not time to tame. Shine on, wild and light and free. He walked away  s l o w l y , as promised, when the time came.

the Lord bless you and keep you;
the Lord make His face Shine upon you,
and be gracious to you;
the Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
and give you peace.

"... come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret... Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.
"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."
"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.
"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose."
"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

so long, honey baby
where i'm bound i cannot tell

What appeared through last night's tears as the quiet, delicate, gently falling, colorless whiteness of death, is this morning a garden of crystal, refracting a full spectrum of Light. All the crystals gifted and exchanged, in the light of a new day, the 200th day.

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