Always looking out for me with his rape prevention plans... =P
One winter break when he came home from college we killed a fifth because he insisted I build up my tolerance.
Tonight he surprised me with goshin jutsu class--fun times!!
He always was protective. He always stayed around...
Until he left. In six years the most time we've spent consecutively together was the month we traveled to Honduras, Hawaii, Taiwan.
When he started college we knew it to be the start of seeing each other only a couple times a year. He would not always be around for me.
In the coming weeks, he'll be moving to Seattle for work.
The protection he models, far-reaching, works toward its own abdication. It equips. And it loves. Enough to let me go. I have much to learn.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Weekend Soundbites
I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me... By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you...
By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard the good deposit entrusted to you... What you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men who will be able to teach others also. Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus.
Think over... for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.
No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him. An athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules. It is the hard-working farmer who ought to have the first share of the crops.
But God's firm foundation stands... “Let everyone who names the name of the Lord depart from iniquity.” ... Be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work. So flee youthful passions.
Pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies... The Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil...
There will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self... proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.
Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.
"I like us. We make me happy. :D" KH
Right back atcha, dear friend.
We'll make it through!
Thanks for being safe
for allowing me, by voicing it to you,
to confess what I hadn't yet admitted to myself.
You always keep it real.
In this and all things, I've never walked alone.
Friends remind each other not to give up and of reasons for hope,
of which at the end of the day, there is only One.
Even when confronted
with the truth of 長痛不如短痛.
with the sliminess of my deceitful heart.
with how jealous/possessive/covetous my "love" is.
"Your mother is emotionally... special." EK
O boy.
On account of Friday PM to Sunday AM's absurdities, I was... so preoccupied the rest of the weekend. Too much to really make the effort to socialize and knit the group together even though I organized.
Rame. Why ever half-ass anything?! Your mercy... I need it so.
No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him. An athlete is not crowned unless he competes according to the rules. It is the hard-working farmer who ought to have the first share of the crops.
"... [unintelligible]... confused ...[unintelligible]..." FC
Me too.
But God's firm foundation stands... “Let everyone who names the name of the Lord depart from iniquity.” ... Be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work. So flee youthful passions.
"You have a way of bringing random people together =) fun fun!" JL
I can think of few things I enjoy more.
I want this "way" to be only from You.
Madison Yelpers have low standards.
Or is it that NYC has imprisoned my palate to its city limits?
Pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies... The Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil...
"[cannot-be-repeated-should-be-forgotten/forgiven]" AL
Ma, what do I do with you?
Ma, what do I do with you?
How do I love you rightly?
There will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self... proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power.
Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Turn unto your rest.
Slavery is when I spend every minute of my life attempting to justify myself in the way that this hymn explains Christ has already done.
From whence this fear and unbelief?
Has not the Father put to grief
His spotless Son for me?
And will the righteous Judge of men
Condemn me for that debt sin
Which, Lord, was charged on thee?
Complete atonement You have made,
And to the utmost farthing paid
Whatever Your people owed;
How then can wrath on me take place
If sheltered in Your righteousness,
And sprinkled with Your blood?
If You have my discharge procured,
And freely in my room endured
The whole of wrath divine,
Payment God cannot twice demand--
First at my bleeding Surety's hand,
And then again at mine.
Turn then, my soul, unto your rest!
The merits of your great High Priest
Have bought your liberty;
Trust in his efficacious blood,
Nor fear your banishment from God,
Since Jesus died for thee.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Inception makes me wanna SCUBA.
After weeks of being a cultural outcast, I finally watched Inception last night with Cat and Eugene.
Overall I feel slighted for my liking of the movie because I feel like the things I most appreciate are not the things being hyped. And most conversations have obsessively centered on determining the right interpretation of the plot, even though it seems to me that Nolan's commentary unambiguously transcends the alternate understandings...
On things like dream-sharing, lucid dreaming, reality, the sub/conscious, I don't find Nolan (even for his own work) or his latest movie all that original. Underneath that un-novel buzz is the real brilliance, in my opinion, and the director does a dearly effective job commenting on typically touchy subjects like grief, guilt, duty, exclusive truth. More on these in some later posts :)
My favorite parts:
[WARNING: May contain spoilers]
Overall I feel slighted for my liking of the movie because I feel like the things I most appreciate are not the things being hyped. And most conversations have obsessively centered on determining the right interpretation of the plot, even though it seems to me that Nolan's commentary unambiguously transcends the alternate understandings...
On things like dream-sharing, lucid dreaming, reality, the sub/conscious, I don't find Nolan (even for his own work) or his latest movie all that original. Underneath that un-novel buzz is the real brilliance, in my opinion, and the director does a dearly effective job commenting on typically touchy subjects like grief, guilt, duty, exclusive truth. More on these in some later posts :)
My favorite parts:
[WARNING: May contain spoilers]
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Three years ago today.
Lord, You never let go of me.
God, let it be true of me, keep writing me into Your story!
E: theres no bridge michael! no freaking bridge. isaiah 43.
mahkoZ (2:57:28 PM): what are you defining as "bridge"
E: theres no way to the other side in sight
E: theres nothing i can do or build
E: no. effing. bridge.
mahkoZ (2:59:18 PM): yeah..
mahkoZ (2:59:49 PM): you'll see it though, when you get to the other side
E: ???! or
E: IF i get to the other side
mahkoZ (3:00:18 PM): you're gonna get there esther
E: with my faith intact??
mahkoZ (3:00:43 PM): that i do not know
mahkoZ (3:00:54 PM): but based on your history, and the myriad of things you've endured
mahkoZ (3:01:08 PM): i would definitely put all my chips on you making it through
mahkoZ (3:01:13 PM): with your faith solidified
E: my faith is wimpy and i am so afraid
mahkoZ (3:01:45 PM): i think you know God better than a lot of people do..
E: i think i believe God less than a lot of people do..!
mahkoZ (3:08:28 PM): well.. at any rate, God knows esther infinitely well
mahkoZ (3:08:50 PM): God will deliver you
mahkoZ (3:10:42 PM): listen, king jehoshaphat and all who live in judah and jerusalem! this is what the lord says to you: 'do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. for the battle is not yours, but GOD's..'
E: but thats why im afraid
mahkoZ (3:21:22 PM): yeah.. i understand
mahkoZ (3:21:29 PM): well.. i shall pray for you esther. but i need to let you know that you encourage me
mahkoZ (3:22:51 PM): i see in your life, a story of struggle, and fear, and redemption, and faith, and child-like love
mahkoZ (3:24:05 PM): and it makes my heart want to praise God more fully and more realistically
God, let it be true of me, keep writing me into Your story!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone...
My lease ends/begins today.
 |
| ... and this house just ain't no home anytime she goes away. |
dearie DPVivian,
♥
thank you for filling my life with beauty
you were the first one i met
in the city where beauty himself is changing me
♥
where would i be without you
most certainly not alive in new york
♥
how do i live (in an apartment) without you
guess i'll be finding out soon
♥
one thing i know to stay true as ever
i'll see you at home
♥
love you near and far, DPE.
God is in the business of finishing what He starts.
This truth is full of hope and rebuke for a quitter like me.
full of hope whenever I am feeling harassed by sin and self...
full of rebuke whenever I feel so harassed as to want to quit.
It corrects my vision and tells me to
glance at my own sin and weakness, but to
gaze upon my Savior and trust his finished/finishing work.
Lately I have been revisiting the many incomplete saved drafts sitting in my blog and even cleaning up and completing some of them. Many reflections sit unfinished because they are too ramblejumbled and personally received to be publicized. But many more posts, I've just never revisited, either out of laziness... Or else the process from start to not-finish looks something like... Sit down, click "New Post", brain dump, reflect, dislike what I see, despair, abandon. As such, so many thoughts and dreams and musings and opinions and reactions I have left uncaptivated by Christ.
On the one hand, it has been wonderful to see the story arcs in what God has been teaching/doing in my life. Even recalling how full of doubt/anger/confusion I was at the time of each of those events taken in isolation, I am newly assured that He was continuously at work all along. Assured is a funny-looking word.
On the other hand I'm seeing my flakery and how very much my comings and goings lacks follow-through, especially in reflecting, processing thoughts and carrying tasks through to obedience. If you are someone I've injured by my indiscipline, I need your accountability especially!
Pray for me in all areas from something as seemingly inconsequential as finishing a thought or a writing, or as immediately relevant as persevering to finish my last 2 weeks of Intensive Attic Greek study this summer, as vital and life-long as being conformed to the likeness of Christ... Who finishes what He begins. :)
full of hope whenever I am feeling harassed by sin and self...
full of rebuke whenever I feel so harassed as to want to quit.
It corrects my vision and tells me to
glance at my own sin and weakness, but to
gaze upon my Savior and trust his finished/finishing work.
Lately I have been revisiting the many incomplete saved drafts sitting in my blog and even cleaning up and completing some of them. Many reflections sit unfinished because they are too ramblejumbled and personally received to be publicized. But many more posts, I've just never revisited, either out of laziness... Or else the process from start to not-finish looks something like... Sit down, click "New Post", brain dump, reflect, dislike what I see, despair, abandon. As such, so many thoughts and dreams and musings and opinions and reactions I have left uncaptivated by Christ.
As part of all this I've also moved my
On the one hand, it has been wonderful to see the story arcs in what God has been teaching/doing in my life. Even recalling how full of doubt/anger/confusion I was at the time of each of those events taken in isolation, I am newly assured that He was continuously at work all along. Assured is a funny-looking word.
Pray for me in all areas from something as seemingly inconsequential as finishing a thought or a writing, or as immediately relevant as persevering to finish my last 2 weeks of Intensive Attic Greek study this summer, as vital and life-long as being conformed to the likeness of Christ... Who finishes what He begins. :)
给我力量不至滑脚
走余剩几里路
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)