Tuesday, June 23, 2009

What is a date???

Your thoughts, finger wags and wrist slaps are welcome.
: but then what's the point?
12:40 PM of just one casual fun date
me: whats the diff with hanging out?
Iris: so is it hanging out or is it a date?
me: im not sure... whats the difference?
hanging out... on his tab
Iris: haha..
12:41 PM there are more emotions attached to a date i guess
i think a date feels like it could go somewhere other than friendship
hanging out is platonic
unless it's a PSEUDO DATE
me: lol omg too many word i just dont know
when i go out with girls we call it a date12:43 PM Iris: that's difft! that's just joking!
me: mehhh?????????
Iris: it's not a legit date with girls!
me: appointment??
its not a legit date with him
Iris: rendez-vous!
12:44 PM are there feelings attached?
me: no!
just fun!
Iris: then it's not a date at all right?
me: im gonna go look up date in the dictionary
Iris: lol
12:45 PM me: to go out socially on dates: She dated a lot during high school.
6. an appointment for a particular time: They have a date with their accountant at ten o'clock.
7. a social appointment, engagement, or occasion arranged beforehand with another person: to go out on a date on Saturday night.
8. a person with whom one has such a social appointment or engagement: Can I bring a date to the party?
12:46 PM Iris: okay but what about the connotations of the word "date"
me: thats the thing, i just dont know
12:47 PM hes basically saying... can i book you for a weekend
Iris: hmmm..
well okay what else did he say
does he think it's a date
12:48 PM me: he says he has no intentions of anything more than a good time and enjoying each others company
12:49 PM Iris: so..that's not a date right?? i am confused now..
me: what IS a date?
Iris: i have no idea!!!!
me: me neither
hahah sorry.
12:50 PM Iris: that doesnt sound like a date..right?
12:51 PM me: HAHA iris i dont know what a date is
i dont know if ive ever been on one
is it just a hangout where you evaluate the possibility of further hangouts at the end and have an awkward goodbye?
12:53 PM Iris: YES.
that sounds about right

1:04 PM me: i mean can it just be a platonic interest?
like hey robin can i buy you dinner?
tomorrow? we should catch up?
like that
yo i go on dates with vivian?
am i just conflating terms here
1:05 PM Robin: see
dates with girls are fun hangouts
1:06 PM like us hanging out would be called a casual date by some but a hang out by others
so to minimize confusion
I only apply the term date
1:07 PM to a time spent with a person of the opposite sex where the intentions are to get to know them better
me: well yeah!
Robin: and where it's made clear
me: isnt the intention always to get to know someone better
Robin: of course
but asians suck at being straightforward
they beat around the bush too much
1:08 PM a white dude woulda come up to you and said
hey can I take you out on a date?
an asian guy says
lets hang out!
it's a murky area
because it gives both parties deniability
but also leads to confusion
as in are we on a date or what??

Vivian: I think a Date is a hangout with romantic intentions on both sidesme: so like
what we do


  1. I would say a date, as you're asking & not the dictionary definition, is a deliberate one-on-one when there are feelings or potential feelings involved. If there are no feelings (ie. my IV staff worker treating me to lunch), then a "date" it is not.

  2. are there hormones in the air? if so - date.

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  4. I think a date is a deliberate one on one meeting with somebody for the purpose of developing a deeper sense of trust and intimacy. I don’t think feelings necessarily have to be there for both people but the intent would be to develop those feelings which are proper for the degree of commitment to the other person.

    In the context of two people of the opposite sex the problem is that there’s the tendency to develop a level of emotional intimacy that’s inconsistent with a level of commitment that rightfully honors the commitment of marriage with a future spouse. Not that the desire for deeper intimacy is wrong in itself; I think it points to how God designed male and female for the purpose of displaying the beauty of God’s covenant love and faithfulness through marriage. Spending exclusive time with someone of the opposite sex and calling it “hanging out” can easily be going out on a date with him without any commitment.

    Basically I think it comes down to an issue of commitments and not feelings.

    In your situation I wouldn’t call it “a date” simply because the guy expressed to you that he doesn’t intend anything more out of it; however, keep in mind that:
    1. It’s a lot safer for him to say that he doesn’t intend anything more than to say that he does;
    2. Even if he doesn’t “intend” anything more, that doesn’t mean there isn’t the potential for things to get confusing;
    3. You should probably listen to someone you’re being accountable with.

    Anyway thanks for posing the question. It gave me a lot to think about and I think I’m starting to realize the huge plank in my eye. I have some more thoughts on dating etc. that probably don’t answer your question in the way that you ask it but I’d be happy to share them if you ask me sometime.

  5. I think a date is something that sometimes falls from trees, and are only good when left out to dry.