and then I made a map, and I knew that somehow I could find my way back. then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness, too. so I stayed in the darkness with you. // florence & the machine.
I got off the phone.
And fell apart. Thought it wouldn't have been fair or efficient to let you know how I loved you. How devastating and terrifying this step was... So I just kept telling myself to be brave a little while longer. But how much longer? Sang "Think of Me" from Phantom through the tears until I sank into sleep. Will you stay true and kind? Will you stay at all? Will you remember? You have a big heart. I know it. I lived there like it was a mansion. But I need to go for now so I can return. Will you watch on the road for me? Will you open the door for me?
Even if he should leave, You will stay. If he turns me out, if he forgets, still You are mindful.
Jesus, be True North. I can't get where I need to be without You. I can't let him go without You. I can't get Home without You. I can't be without You. I don't know how long the road will be. You must light my way and lead me as I go... Lamp unto my feet. Courage. A day at a time. Always with You. Shepherd my heart. Steward my pain.
Grant Your peace for the days of testing, Lamb of our Lenten wanderings.
Til I only dwell in Thee.
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