Monday, February 18, 2008


So I managed to scoot my way down to U of I with Heather, Selina, James, Jon for a spontaneous visit to Peehee. It's a joy to have people who are joyed by your mere presence. Crazy good talks and times, especially getting to catch up with Jon and Timmy Shiou and man God really worked His goodness in those convos. Such goofy boys on that floor... Late night karaoke and fire alarms. & I really like Tim's church.

I love spontaneity and good surprises.

Jessica & Iris picked me up from O'Hare to surprise Mom & Dad at home Thursday. I rang the doorbell, it was almost midnight... Saw the lights flicker and I could guess what was going on inside. An muffled exchange probably along the lines of "Who could be coming this late?" -- "I don't know, you get it, I'm already in my nightgown." Dad opened the door and mumbled "Hm, surprise surprise!" Jessica giggled, he thanked her and she left. He closed the door and attempted a hug, which was beyond awkward because...

He's never done it before.
And it was really more of a smush my face into his armpit dealio than a hug.

Such really surreally good times this weekend. These people make it damn near impossible to leave. I don't do well with goodbye hugs, or goodbyes in general. I really tried my best to avoid it too. Just so I wouldn't have to pull away. Haha I'm such a cheese.

As it usually goes when I'm home, mumsy's taken every opp to lecture me. She says Josh has forgotten how he came to be allowed to attend his college. He's ascribed God's glory to dad, she says...

Can he really have forgotten all the anger, the nights he cried and days he had no appetite...

Screwtape must be overjoyed.

Is there any hurt I've suppressed that way? Any way I've tried to beautify and gloss over difficult images that I'd rather not remember because of the pain of rejected love, intentional neglect...

Let me never forget that this world never delivers or lives up to or satisfies. It never is true.
Let me live in forgiveness but not denial.

Can You free him, let him enjoy You again & know that You are not as earthly Fathers? free him from the sins of his father? free dad from the sins of his?

Lord break their hold on me too.

Well my RCF sg leader is online I just introduced Albert to Hello and wow, I really used to photodocument my life! I brought my camera to NYC in September but it's collecting dust. I guess I just have no desire to remember this year in pictures.

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