Tuesday, April 22, 2008


How do you capture a soul in 250 words and sell it to a university?

Pearl pleads please please do it.
I promise to try, but is that ever enough?
No. Fight. Left.

Why have You opened these doors?
Shall I charge.
Or will You slam them shut again.
I feel... caution and curiosity.
You. Baffle. Me.

Stop tickling me! Ha... ha... ow.
Stah -- Ah HA -- Stop --It -- That -- Pickles -- Ha - Ow -- How.

Here We go again. The uppercase is for You, Emmanuel. Because You're WithBeforeAboveBehindBesideAroundTheGroundBeneathInside me.

When the dust settles again, just let me sing hallelujah still.
Even if it's a cold and broken whimper.

I must have You!
If nothing else in this world
I must have You.

Praise You for laments and losses. Lest I love my life my self and my trash too much. Pastor spoke on Psalms 90-91 Sunday, and I remembered that morning You with Irene and I sat only a trimester ago, marveling at the way the light bounced off the icicles outside. We rested by these same words. You have a funny way of digging up skeletons. Maybe I will learn this time around.

Making You my Home. Not a cop-out, retreat, escape -- at least, not the way I've made it my last resort. Entering Your wing is active, forward trust. Entrust. My life and heart are Yours. I was made for You.

So I can ask You God to relent and deliver, and You might even deem the prayer good and acceptable... But is this enough? Even those without the help of Your Spirit can cry to be delivered from their trials. So instead I ask for this (God! take these trembling hands before I shrink from Your touch again, hear my shaky words before I try to swallow them back): let my affections be purified in this furnace. Grant me a teachable heart, to learn sooner rather than... not soon. To abandon this life and all its temporary glories and causes, to find in You full and satisfying all in all in all... A stilled and swaddled: child in her Father's arms. I knew no such picture in this life it must be You.

Funny thing about swaddles... I feel freer already.
Whatever's next... Just keep me near.

Tomorrow I'll write of the apple.

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