Thursday, April 3, 2008

More on Work & Play

"There is nothing better for a person than that he should... find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God" (Ecclesiastes 2:24).
So meaningful work, or at least the meaning part, is apparently a gift.

Without that significance, the only thing that keeps me at work is fear. It's a sad strife.

At death,
Buddha: "Strive unceasingly."
Christ: "It is finished."

I loved those verses from Romans 5 once. These days I feel more like testing demands perseverance, perseverance requires character, character allows hope, and hope sets ya up for another whoppin letdown.

Why so inclined to feel victimized? Am I actually so virtuous? Powerless? Probably not as much as I'm attracted to think. Why the martyr complex... To be long on love, grace, humor, compassion, patience. Short on pride.

God I could plow through all this... as to You. But I need to know that what I'm doing is from You! Why, if You won't lift the storm, won't You increase my belief? I'm clearly not enough, come and be strength. God O God...

I hardly even suffer.
I have not persisted as Job.
I have not endured the cross.

Perspective, please.
Come and be light.

1 comment:

  1. This might be none of my business, but...
    I get the feeling from some of your posts that you view God as some sort of unsatisfiable authority/parent figure; you feel like you can never meet God's standards because you are imperfect or "sinful." That sort of view is unhealthy because it damages your sense of worth; you can never reach God's impossible standard, so you feel guilty and ashamed.

    My observation might be incorrect. If it is, then just ignore this comment.
    < /therapist>