Saturday, January 19, 2008

If I Had, I Would Not Need

It's Steph's birthday.

Today mother got mad at me for inviting dad to dinner with us at Cebu.

It was reflection night at youth group, but they couldn't find letters for me and Jerry Lin, so we just sat and chatted in the nursery. He & Yawen are moving forward in their relationship. Interesting. He got upset that his dad didn't remember her name -- "that girl... from California..." I wonder would my dad even care and understand?

I remember sitting on a porchswing with Bobby and Tim at the Chou's during the 4th of July barbecue. Bobby was asking about dating, and I recall explaining how it was the last thing on my mind, and that I would be staying single for a very very long time... despite the many options I usually have in the form of suitors. Knock on wood. Did he like me at the time? Surely he must have heard, he agreed that dating was not really relevant for him at that time. (So why did he still DTR and why all this mess... Oh well too late for those questions). All I know is that Christ equips His men to woo even the most guarded of His women.

I talk to Mr. Chou from time to time. Thank God he's stepped in as a godfather. Him and the Mrs too. I know that as recently as a year ago, I would just have been bitter about how I can never share my life with my dad, how he wouldn't even care. I had resigned to the way things were. But now, though the prospects are dim sometimes, I at least desire that reconciliation. When I am talking to Mr. Chou, there's this dull ache in my heart as I wish it could be my dad that I were having the conversation with.

But I dunno how much room a dad like that would leave for me to desire Dad. Surely He knows that I would have been too easily contented. Maybe someday.

I got blood drawn today for THS and LH tests.

I picked up my dress from the cleaners. What an awkward day that was. She gave me a pretty hefty discount compared to last time when she altered my prom dress. I guess pricing is completely at her discretion, but this alteration was considerably more difficult and time consuming than my $28 prom dress. I wonder if I have her favor. I wonder what she knows.

I love evening gowns. There are not nearly enough occasions for them. Excited for Courtney's wedding in April. Man it's so weird, I don't think I could ever get married before I'm done with school. Their family is... extravagant. Happy. Content. And... I guess that makes sense why they hardly find God to be necessary.

I wish they would recognize the Giver.