Becoming Esther

The end of year 1 is nearly here. Some days the coming of the end seemed... one really elusive carrot. How did we make it this far...?

A year ago there was confidence that this would mean that college was at least 25% through. A year ago, life (or at least school) was comfortably measured, boxed in. All was to the plan. And by "the" I meant Esther Liu's.

Did you know her then...
Esther Liu of Naperville, IL?

You'd have to squint to see her now

after the layers of comfortably calloused heart

have lost out to holy sandpaper

because in her place is the beginning of someone new.

Thank God for new.
New skin stings like new.
Raw & freshly sensitive.

Follow me... A tiny glimpse into how becoming came to be.

This article by Charo & Paul Walker spoke to me of

Bootcamp & the wilderness.
Wandering &; wondering His will.
Harlem & the harem.

I have always been amazed at the kind of preparation that the future queen Esther had to go through... Imagine the possibilities! One year set aside for one sole purpose - becoming all you can be for the [O]ne you love the most. Precious time to cultivate beauty, to make an investment in education and etiquette, to strengthen virtue and build character.

As waiting relates to singleness... I think of Simba and his impatient song, "I Just Can't Wait to be King" but I could write another whole essay on how I am just the same when it comes to queening.

The preparation of Esther reminds me of that precious time between the awakening of desire... For many, this time is seen as nothing more than a time of waiting... sitting on the shelf while life passes them by... on the bench while others play...

They do not realize that they are wasting the most important time of their lives, they are robbing themselves of great joy and reward, they are robbing their future husbands of a more virtuous woman, and they are robbing God of a servant through whom He desires to do great things...
To look back and remember how God enabled her to wait on Him and that He was faithful... Still an even greater joy for her to know that her time as a single woman was also a time of seeking God and being faithful to Him and His purpose. That she did not for one moment wish to flee that state, but desired only to trust in God and wait upon His gracious sovereignty.

Haha I only wish I could say I haven't had to fight the constant urge to run. But I'm thankful that for the many times I've caved, there've been refuges: the sanctuaries, the suburb, the moms, the sisters, the teachers, the brother, the letters, the burritos, so many more. And at last when I come to my senses, and give in rather than up... there's entrance into joy, the Refuge & wing of God Himself. For the times He's brought a smothering mothering shelter to cover me before I could/would crawl into it myself, I'm also grateful.

As for the wait, in-the-moment-unpleasant preparation, & grueling slimy treatments that are sometimes necessary when God takes to sanding and buffing calloused hearts, they write

It should not be considered a mere circumstance or a miserable curse from which one should try desperately to flee.

Rather, the season -- though it seems an awfully in-between time before life resumes, and though its treatments and lessons can be rather unpleasant -- is as much a God-ordained part of life and part of the Plan as any other. And by "the" I mean His.

A time to learn of God and of ourselves.
A time to discover who we are in Christ and to grow in Christlikeness.
A time to be zealous for good works and involved in ministry to others.

So I just realized that a number of the writings I had in mind to link to when I said "follow me" aren't publicly viewable. Hah... to both of you who read this thing... you'll just have to ask if you want to know.