Sunday, April 4, 2010

Family Fun

Uncle Tim, Dad's little ninja brother who lives in the city and who has a glass eye and who married a Brazilian lady whose last name is Castro and who we like to call Uncle Ted a la "Bobby's World," came over today.

We told him his eye needed polishing and suggested Windex, then glitter, and then wasabi; when it gets dull you can tell that his left eye is fake. I never could tell as a child which one was real, and if he told me I wouldn't remember. I'm pretty certain he alternated his answer each time anyway. And I would ask to poke his eyes to verify.

He asked about life in Harlem and my week in South Bronx, and of course the stories included Minnow's of Shadynasty [ʃə˧-daI˦-nə˧-sti˨]... which steered the conversation to other favorites like La-a (Ladasha) and Lashlasha, Lacomma, Watermelondrea, Usnavy, Cherokee (Shiraq-i), Lemonjello, Orangejello, [ə˧-ʃo˦-leI˨], [ʃə-θid]...

In the words of Jonathan Walton's embarrassment: "Are we blacks the only ones who do this to our children?!" Well, Jonathan Paul Walton himself having maybe the whitest appellation ever appears to have been spared.
E: Uncle Ted, if you were black, what would you name your children?
Tim: 那個... and... 這個 (Nigga and Chigga. Their approximants in Mandarin mean "that one" and "this one" respectively.) 
At one point this afternoon Ma had Josh and me stretch her by the hands and feet. Hello? Did this actually happen?!? Also she let me punch her armpits as a "massage."

Around 8:30pm on 3 April 2010 as I was about to make a 10-min drive to Franklin's:

Ma: Remember to drive carefully, don't come home too late [...clipped...] and if you are getting tired, call and we can talk and I can keep you awake ... but don't call while you are driving ...
Josh: ... and if you need to pee, do it in little spurts so you can wait for it to evaporate. Also if you need more advice, call me. 

1 comment:

  1. Supposedly, if you punch someone in the armpit hard enough they'll pass out. I vote we test the theory on someone.