Tuesday, September 11, 2007


So I'm NOT Crazy!
Not delusional at least.

TT called.
I think he was terrified.
I think only the thought that this is what You wanted him to do could have encouraged (en- being the causative prefix not really encourage as we use it) him to go through with it (though I kind of wish he hadn't...). How am I such a grammar nazi geek.

No one's ever been so forward or upright with me.
I guess this constitutes a DTR.

'Twas no mirage after all.

I guess that's comforting.

Although... I'm afraid...

It's only gonna get more confusing.
There will be no more let sleeping dogs lie.

The dogs are very, very awake.
And a leash is hardly restraint enough.
These rules... God what a fine line.

Protect him, please!
And me.

But the thing with this one is...
I feel like I could let him go. And that is new.
In fact I'm already letting him go... And it is hard.
Especially here and now...

Where I crave anything familiar, stable, comfortable.
I will let him go. I will find it in You.

It's just uber complicated now, knowing. I wish I didn't know.
So close to something when we halted it.
Or attempted to.
I hope it works.

Good thing tomorrow brings so many other concerns.

How long do I have to feel this way...
Not long, I pray.

This is all so new.

I really want to just pick up a pen and scribble down all the things I feel and couldn't say and stick it in an envelope and make him read it and agree but... I've confused him enough as it is.

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