Saturday, March 12, 2011


Every color must have drained out from and into my face tonight, watching.  It felt so at least.  Terror and remembrance of two mid-Septembers ago shot through my heart and gripped me, to the pinkies of my hands and toes.  They're unsure even now, five hours later.  Unsteady.  The chatter and the din of dining noises continued, how could they?

Lips formed (help) but only a scream screeched out.  911.  God, somebody, now.  WTF.  DO IT!  Utensils dropped.  Silence.   No, God.  The other restaurant patrons must have thought me wacky, I was shaking my head, a furious cautious plea.  No no no no no, I said.  They told me it was okay.  Or that it would be.  Not if it's a repeat, no. No.  A best friend on the cusp of abundant passionate adventurous life.  No.  Not her.  Take me... You can't... Please don't.

An EMT-trained Asian guy happened to be dining there.  Helped restore order and a delicate calm before the emergency responders arrived.  It's only been a short breath of air... And, recalling that year's devastation, I can't get whirled under. Too soon. Not again. Not yet. No.

Return, O my soul, to your rest;
for the LORD has dealt bountifully with you.
He restores your soul.
If you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

For you have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling;
You gave a wide place for my steps under me,
and my feet did not slip.

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